Program Notes
Welcome and thank you for your interest in my show. What you are about to hear is my story – as honestly as I can tell it – based on my memories and lived experience. It is often very dark and often very funny and often very poignant — and sometimes all of the above happening at the same time, which might seem illogical or at a minimum improbable … but it is not. It just requires the proper perspective, and for so much of my life I had none of that.
And I don’t have it all now, nor will I ever, because if we remain alive in the world all of our stories are continuously evolving. Mine certainly is. I started thinking about this show about two years ago and started actually picking songs for it maybe 18 months ago and started writing it in earnest well over a year ago. And the story has changed and evolved massively since I started. Turns out I didn’t even really know my own story until I wrote it – and I hope that process of discovery continues until I shuffle off this mortal coil.
Our memories are most certainly full of — let’s not call them lies so much as refractions — that make the certainty of some of the stories and details I present questionable. And while I’ve tried to stay as factual as possible what you are about to hear is my perspective, my lived experience as it’s taken root inside me. And I make no claims to anyone else’s views or versions of their lived experiences where they intersect with mine. That is their story and not mine to tell.
But I am as certain as I can be about this: you can quibble with some details or dates or who said or did what in any part of this story — and if you have played such a role in my life I hope you do – but the overall tale is very much my own true north. It is, in fact, where I started and where I came to and how — at least as of tonight. And my intention in telling it – in doing the exploration and excavation necessary to tell it — was to find clarity and peace in my own life and to better spend the time I have left here enjoying — and sharing — that clarity and peace.
But I really don’t need an audience to do that at all, so why bother with theaters and lights and sound and theatrics? That’s the sharing part. Because if even one person here tonight spends some time thinking a bit more about their own life and granting themselves some grace, this will have been an enormous success. The writing of this, the putting it together, that exploration and excavation — that is all the gift I could ever want or need, and I got it. Thanks for giving me a chance to share it with you — it is indeed a great leap of faith on your part, and it fills me with gratitude.
About the songs:
There are 22 songs in this show. They range from songs I heard well over 40 years ago to songs I just recently learned. They are not listed in the program by intention — it would detract from the story if you happened to know the song and were anticipating it while I’m telling the story. It’s a distraction and not helpful to the narrative. But if any of the songs resonate with you, there will be a QR Code in the lobby after the show that will take you to a directory of the songs on this site and where to find them, along with explanations of my own connection to the songs and information about the arrangements and versions since many of them are very different from the originally recorded art.
Acknowledgments:
There is no way any of this happens – no way I get to live this dream – without the support, belief, insight, and love of my beautiful wife, Erin. She has walked this path with me every step of the way and has been my sounding board, my biggest cheerleader, and often my inspiration for staying with the dream when my own belief began to falter, which was often. This is my show, but it is really dedicated to the beauty and healing she has brought into my life. She has also been my editor and reality checker and true partner in producing this. You’ll see me up on that stage, but she is right there next to me at every moment. ❤️🔑❤️
Not too long before I started thinking about writing this show, I had started to tell my story much more honestly to my own kids, Emily and Jackson. Not even because I wanted to them to know my story so much as I realized my story was inextricably tied to the stories of those who came before me and came up with me. My parents and their parents and friends and lovers and so many more: people who made up not only my DNA, but — way more importantly — my perception of myself. And they shared almost none of their stories with me, and it left me blind to understanding myself and that cost me a lot. So instead of leaving my own kids blind and wondering why they feel the way they do, I decided to just put it out there – all the shame and glory and everything in between – so they could better understand the forces that shaped them and maybe not struggle quite so hard in their lives as I did in mine. And as I told them the stories, I started to see myself differently — and that provided me the courage I needed to even attempt this. You two inspire me to be better every day and I love you.
I have been presenting artistic ideas – from the ridiculous to the “maybe there is something there” off and on to my dear friend David since we were kids. And he has always been honest with me and often… well… let’s just say he didn’t hesitate to shoot down the worst of them pretty directly. But when I told him I was thinking of doing this show, the conversation went like this: Me: “You’re going to think this is a stupid idea, but I’m going to write a show about my life and do a bunch of songs that narrate it and illuminate it because I have a story to tell.” And I expected that look and some words of honest, well-intentioned discouragement. But what he said was this: “I don’t think it’s stupid at all. You have a story to tell.” And when I wrote the very first section of the show — almost verbatim to what I’ll say tonight — I showed it to him in the diner where we have breakfast sometimes, and he laughed and got choked up and smiled, and no words were necessary. Thank you for the honesty when I was way off-base and for the beautiful support when I was finally onto something.
The songwriters whose music populates this show are very much family to me. In the absence of knowing my own story or the stories of those behind me, I was lost as to the narrative of my own life. But starting at maybe age 7 or 8 I started to find my own story through them sharing theirs. On the radio and 8-track tapes and cassettes and vinyl and compact discs and downloads and streams. Without them I never get through this thing because I had no sense of self, but their music provided enough — I could recognize enough of myself in their words and music — to at least know I wasn’t alone and that maybe there was a way forward. I chose deliberately not to include any songs I’ve written in this show because the reality is the entire thing is a tribute to those artists — the ones in the show and so many that aren’t — who gave me a story I could hang onto when I could not see my own. The first record I ever bought was when I was 9 years old… and my soul drew me to this:
“… Thanks for the joy that you’ve given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
Rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You’ve helped me along
Making me strong …”
Doby Gray – “Drift Away”
Disclaimer: I am not a guitar player or a singer or a performer, though I can do all of those things reasonably well for an amateur.